Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
