It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Four minutes until I can fart!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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