girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
