I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
