I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
