bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
