I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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