if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
