I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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