when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
