addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
