From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
