Who wears a wallet chain?!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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