Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
