Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
