Can Purell be used as lube?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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