sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
