I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
