somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
