My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
