Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
