my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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