Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
