They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
