Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
