Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
