he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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