If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
