ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
cat food counts as protein by the way
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
