so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
