cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
