We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
