think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
