just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
