dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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