I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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