He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
