i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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