omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
