We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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