dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We left the knife in your bed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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