I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
