you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
