me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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