Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
