About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
