Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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