I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
