I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
