I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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