The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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